Don't hang onto clothes that aren't worn
Only allow things in that scientifically make you look good, which affects you on an energetic level
Express who you truly are through your clothing
Don't become trapped in an old vision of yourself
S: What would you say to someone who wants to or is contemplating working with me? Whether it's one on one work or it's the online course, or the color class.
J: Okay, so I will circle this topic and get to a point. One thing that was interesting was my whole team that did the color class. There were some, or at least one person who said, ‘oh this was interesting, but I'm not going to let it pen me in.’ Okay, you do you, no problem. Then nine months later and she's ‘oh yeah, I've totally been using it, it's my new thing, this is how I shop now’ and I'm like, that’s so cool. Then we start talking, oh my gosh, do you have these experiences, did you have money savings, time savings, gratification, I want to look the best I can, this makes sense to me, the logic is there, I see the evidence in the mirror, keep going with it. That was really cool.
S: Makes me so happy!
J: When I like something I want everybody to experience it. My best friend is very very very frustrated and the same thing, your lifestyle changes, yet you’re still dressing in clothes from college. You're frustrated, yet you hang on and they don't get used and it makes you not want to buy anything new, which doesn't help the problem.
Get rid of your old life. It could be the best garment in the entire world, but if you have a terrible emotional association with it, get rid of it. Don't keep something where every time you look at it you have that pain, even if you don’t know why or you don't think of it consciously. Then being armed with tools to rebuild, I only allow these things in that I know scientifically make me look amazing. That's the only thing I'm allowing in. Imagine what that will do on an energetic level!
If it doesn't work for you don't even let it in your life, don't let that negativity in your life. Like we talked about it's those boundaries. You don't let energy vampires into your life, so why would you let that negative energy garment color into your life if it doesn't light you up!
You're saving and you can reallocate it. It's something that's seen as superficial, it's frivolous, but obviously we've been talking for two hours about all the ways that it works for the full spectrum of energy in your life.
S: There have been studies that clothing is a communication tool. To me, one of the most important communications is to yourself. When you put something on that communicates to you you're worth it, that you're vibrant, that you have energy, that you're strong, whatever that is, it's telling you something.
J: I agree with you about that communication to yourself. That's so interesting.
I know it sounds silly, even me saying that out loud. Those stories we are brought up with - that indoctrination of 'oh this is silly. This is silly, why are you still talking. What do you mean this has profound impact, it's just clothes.' Where's that voice coming from, what's that language?
When I think of my own voice where I'm like, I'm more than this. I'm better than this. I have this passion in me that people didn't know because I wasn’t expressing it. If we don’t get to express it, it doesn’t make anyone feel great.
S: What you wear can take down a barrier that was there, for whatever reason or you don't even know it’s there. And as soon as you take down that barrier it opens up a whole new world of creativity, a whole new world of expression, a whole new world of confidence. I don’t know how many people have said that when they're wearing something they feel amazing in, their confidence to go into that job interview or negotiate that rent or negotiate, whatever it is, increases!
J: The next thing is, when you're trapped in a vision that's an old version of yourself. For instance, I love environments and the thing that makes me physically ill is being in a home that has unchanged for 40 years. They moved in, they got married, put those photos on the wall and then it stayed that way. And I constantly talk about how, as much as I love my home and how it is, I want it to constantly be evolving. I have a physical reaction to that idea of being stuck. Like old Oprah episodes where people are still living their version of high school or you kind of freeze at your happiest peak time in life. Who wants your peak to be behind you? It's always going to be ahead of me. You haven’t seen nothing yet. I’m going to get better and better all the time. It's that mentality.
It’s like being trapped. You're trapped. You're literally trapped. It is a physical barrier on your body holding you in and that has repercussions psychologically, it has to. Hand in hand with that are the stories that we tell ourselves about ‘that's not for me, I'm not that person, I'm not allowed to be that person, I was never the cool guy in high school, I don't have a good body, that's frivolous,’ whatever it is! You continue wearing this shirt that's completely oversized, these jeans that are falling off your butt, whatever, because I'm not allowed to be that person. Tell me that's not a trap. Just as much as the unchanged version of yourself is a trap. Both of those are traps.
S: That's where I could see the need to be a psychologist in what I do, because there's so much psychology around what we wear and why we wear it, what we buy, what's in our wardrobe, how we keep our clothes.
J: The stories we tell. What stories are repeating, which ones are we keeping alive.
Whose voices are these, where's that story coming from? Is it an actual empirical truth, or is it a voice that got in your head at one time? Is it your own voice that got in your head or an outside one? Wait a second, is it actually true or is it a story that you just accept as truth?
S: It could be something that someone told you, or one thing I've been learning a lot is, it's often how I interpreted something that was told to me. My sister and I could have heard the exact same thing from our parents, but we both interpreted it differently because we're different people.
J: Yes. And so all this stuff, again, it's not superficial. That's the biggest story of all.
S: I think the appearance of it being superficial is when you buy emotionally.
J: Like the whole shopaholic.
S: You need to put time and effort to identify the things that express who you are, but when it becomes so consuming that you always want the next best thing and you're never satisfied with what you have, that's when you need to be concerned. You're constantly wanting more and more and more and more.
J: That’s still psychological. The argument that's bubbling up in my head is, even if it seems silly (whatever you want to define as silly), who cares? Is that person having fun, are they creatively expressing, are they creating a memory with their shopping partner? Let us have our silly fun. Don't even get me started about how it's so easy to denigrate females of any age for being interested in makeup and clothes. But, the only way you're allowed through the gateways of life is if you meet up to a certain physical standard.
Oh, I just love this topic so much.
Okay back to that whole boundaries, which I created, not imposed on me.
What they open up is a gift. Seriously, I love everything in my life, you can say, oh, a nice chair. Thanks, I need to tell you the story behind it. Whenever I get dressed, there’s an actual story in my head that I'm telling through my clothing. Back in my 20s I was able to do that, I was fulfilled. Then I hit 30 and suddenly that storytelling was slipping further and further and further away. It really made me sad. It was an emptiness. Being able to do that again is so fun.
S: That's awesome. Thank you for sharing your Style Story.
Now I want to hear from you, what is your style story?
Thank you for following along on Jenn's style story! If you feel inspired to discover your own style and tell your own style story, but don't know where to start, contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we can chat about creating a personal style that is all your own.
p.s. Check out our online course in The Style Lab, 'Creating Your Confident Closet' for a guided wardrobe edit experience done at your pace, in the comfort of your home.